I went through this long period where I was on antidepressants and I guess that went okay, I mean I felt more empty than anything. I was the asshole without the emotional side. And I don't know, it just wasn't my thing. For one thing, I got more confidence while I was on them and I didn't really like that aspect of myself. I don't like me with confidence, I don't deserve it.

So about a month ago I stop taking the drugs, and now they should be completely out of my system. Yes, I feel like shit, I feel unimportant, I feel useless, I feel so fucking alone. And it hurts. It really really hurts. I am beyond crying every day, something good that happens that's really fucking amazing might bring me up to the depressed stage where I cry. I'm supposed to be a writer but there's no fucking way I can describe it. There's just no way.

So why did I take myself off the drugs? Because I had no motivation, no inspiration, just a shitload of lethargy where I don't care what I do or how much time passes or who yells at me for what. So I got off of the antidepressants so I can have a little bit of inspiration or motivation.

Unfortunately most of the motivation goes toward suicide attempts.
I mean, I really don't want to go through this. I don't want to live with it, but it seems like every option is a loss and call me spoiled but I'm suck of losing. I'm stuck. I don't know where to go. I don't know who to turn to. My friends don't care about me and my parents will no longer help me because I just turned eighteen. I just want some fucking help.
Is that so much to ask for?